Above all else

June 8, 2012 at 2:42 pm (Christian life, Parenting)
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“Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.”
Colossians 3:12-14

As I go through my journey as a mother, seeking to “write on the door posts” in the lives on my children, I find countless important life lessons I need to teach them. When they were babies my responsibility lay in showing them care and love, and providing them with a stable family life. As they grew I began to teach them how to interact with others. As they get older still I explain to them the value of sharing, the importance of humility, how to forgive and be forgiven. In any one day I might take opportunities to teach everything from how to put their shirts on the right way around, to the meaning of faith.

With so many things to teach my children, it can sometimes be easy to lose focus of what is most important. In Colossians 3 Paul lists many things that are valuable for us to strive for – tender mercies, kindness, forgiveness. But he highlights that there is one thing that has greater value than all the others: love.

Above all, we must teach our children to love.

Love, Jesus tells us, is the fulfillment of the law. Love sums up the law and prophets. Love covers over a multitude of sins. The greatest commandments are to love God with everything we have, and to love others as we love ourselves. If I could teach only one thing to my children, it would be to love God with their whole hearts, souls and minds, because all good things flow from this.

Day to day it can be difficult to keep this priority in mind. Satan, I am sure, takes every opportunity to place distractions in our way and make us see them as so pressing and important that we forget to teach the our children about love. As a homeschooling mother I feel the pressure of the world to provide a good education for my children. Education and careers are extraordinarily highly valued in our society. Whilst I agree it is valuable to be well educated and able to earn a living, it is not the epitome of success. True success lies in love; in accepting the love of God, and returning it to Him and to others.

May we all, as parents, teach our children the ultimate lesson of love – above all else.

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Defining Moments

May 14, 2012 at 3:25 pm (Children's perspective, Creating memories, Parenting)
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When I think back over my childhood, there are certain moments, conversations and events which stand out in my memory. Usually they were nothing special at the time – just a passing comment or a one-off situation – but as I grew older they stayed with me. And now, when I contemplate them, I see that each one has played a part in who I am now.

It occurs to me that the people who said and did those things in my childhood had no idea they were forming such a big part of my character. I’m sure they didn’t know that their words would stay with me for the rest of my life. In all likeliness, they don’t remember the situation themselves now. But I do – clear as day. I can hear the words and recall the feelings from years ago.

If that is the case with me, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this, then it is also probably going to be the case for my children. And for your children. Every moment we spend with them, every word we speak, might be the one to stay with them forever. We have no idea if it will be the careless cross word we threw out in frustration; the tender hug and kiss after a disciplinary issue has been resolved; the word of spiritual encouragement and inspiration.

How careful we must be. If the memories I want my children to live with are ones of love and joy, then I must intentionally create many opportunities to foster those experiences. Some of the memories that stay with me are positive – I remember one particularly encouraging comment made to me, that I still strive to live up to today. Some, however, are negative. There is one memory that still hurts to recall, as the unfairness is as clear to me now as it was when I was a child.

The defining moments in our children’s lives could come at any time. Are you and I armed and prepared with positive experiences for our children? We are not perfect, and we cannot guarantee that our children won’t have any unhappy memories. But if we can increase the odds. Let us stay aware of the influence each moment can have in the lives of our children, and strive to make as many of them as good as possible.

 

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To my Prince

May 7, 2012 at 11:24 am (Parenting)
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Last week was one of the busiest weeks I’ve had in a long time (hence the lack of blog posts). There were many things going on, but just one I want to share with you – my Prince turned six!

Baby Prince

Every year on his birthday I think back to my early days of motherhood, when Prince first came into the world. I remember how tiny and perfect he looked in my arms when I first held him. He had big dark eyes that looked quietly up at mine, and his skin was unbelievably soft. He had this cute little swirl on each ear lobe, and if you look closely you can see they are still there today 🙂

When we found out we were having a baby boy, we decided to give him a middle name that honoured God.  We chose “Samuel”, because he was a gift to us from the Lord. And what a gift he has been! Today I dedicate this post to him, and all he is to me.

To my Prince:

You are one of the greatest joys in my life, my boy.

I love the way you delight in snuggling me, and even though you are so big (nearly my size!) you still climb onto my lap and wrap your arms around my neck so tight.

I love the way you are a kind and caring brother to your little sister. You look after her when she is worried, you affectionately enjoy her cute little ways, you share and play with her nicely, and you teach her things that you know.

I love the way you are passionate about things. About drawing, about ocean creatures, about Octonauts, about Bible Snuggle time.  You take great care over things.  You notice little details that other people miss.  You look at the world in a way which opens up my eyes to a new and wonderful point of view.

Love.

I love the way we laugh together over silly and funny things. I love the way we enjoy stories together, the way we talk about new things, the way we sign ‘I love you’, the way we sing together at bed time.

I love the way you obey even when it is hard. I love the way you pray. I love the way you practise being a gentleman, and hold the door open for Princess and me. I love the way you seek to be strong like Daddy, and to take the leadership as a man when he is not there.

As you turn six I want you to know that you are so very, very precious to me – and yet you are even more precious to God. I pray that you will daily give Him your heart and allow Him to lead your life. I pray you will have strength to stand firm in faith even if others fall down. I pray that you will be filled with the Spirit and speak with wisdom and understanding. I pray you will give your life as a daily sacrifice to God, which is your reasonable act of worship. I pray that you will find a wife to help and encourage you as you live out your faith, and that your marriage will be a strong example of the love of God. I pray you will be a leader in the church, able to teach and willing to serve. I pray you will become a father who knows how to train his children up in the ways of the Lord. I pray that you will love others with passion, and always search out ways to do good.  And I pray you will always know that I love you.

With all my heart,
Your Mommy

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Courage and resolve

May 2, 2012 at 2:41 pm (Christian life, Parenting, Priorities)
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Last night I finally got to watch a movie I have been looking forward to for many months – Courageous. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend it! I won’t give the story away, but the general theme is that families need fathers who are committed to being strong, courageous, spiritual leaders in their homes – a principle that I couldn’t agree with more! Although Courageous is specifically aimed at inspiring fathers to live out their best potential, I found this film encouraged me in this way as a mother, too.

Never underestimate the influence fathers have on their children.

Raising children is one of the greatest and most daunting tasks I have ever undertaken. When I stop to think about the influence I have on my children it can be scary – especially when I think about all the time I have failed as a mother. As parents we need to take our role seriously – more seriously than we take our jobs, our hobbies and our friends. Specifically, we need to take the spiritual guidance of our children with the utmost commitment and care.

It is not always easy to follow through on a commitment to being the best parent we can for our kids. There is a spiritual war, and we are in it. Satan knows that if he gets our kids, he will have a good chance of getting many more souls in the future too. There is no doubt that as a Christian parent we will face opposition and attacks in all kinds of forms. It may be obvious, such as physical persecution, but it is probably more likely we will be attacked in more subtle ways. Maybe you find your time being filled with things of lesser importance so that you forget to make regular opportunities to read the Bible with your kids. Maybe you are affected with excessive tiredness, causing you to snap too easily when you should be responding with grace. Maybe you struggle with your marriage, and the effects filter down to your children. There are endless ways you might be attacked, and that is why we need to have courage and resolve. We must take on the fight with the power of God, and determine to overcome all obstacles through ‘Him who strengthens us’ – for this sake of our children’s souls.

A Godly heritage is a blessing we strive to pass on to our children.

The line that stood out to me more than any other in the movie last night was, “I don’t want to be a ‘good-enough’ father.” When we don’t take parenting seriously, we are in danger of thinking that good-enough is good enough. But I think if we settle for good-enough, we are taking a risky road. Instead of nonchalantly accepting that ‘we will never be perfect, so we should be happy with good enough’, let us renew our courage every day and resolve to stand up and give our children the best that we’ve got. After all, God gave us our children. How can we offer Him any less than our very best efforts to raise them in His good and perfect ways?

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Of men and muscles

April 27, 2012 at 11:39 am (Parenting, Teaching)
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For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.
1 Timothy 4:8

Every night I watch my brother and husband work out in our lounge. This started about two weeks ago, due to their desire to flatten their tummies and grow their muscles, and they are pretty faithful to do it every evening. Sometimes they even cajole me into joining them, but I have to admit I prefer to just watch… 🙂

We live in a world where health and fitness is seen as somewhat of a god. People join gyms, buy protein shakes from health food shops and sign up to all kinds exercise classes. Children are taught about the value of regular exercise, cigarettes are legally obliged to come with huge health warnings, and mothers are given information on post-partum ways to work out as soon as possible after giving birth.

Now there is nothing wrong with being healthy – if you’ve read my previous posts you will know that I myself am concerned with helping my family to stay healthy by eating the best kinds of food we can afford. Being healthy is great – but it’s value is a limited-time offer. You see, we can be the healthiest, fittest person on earth, who never gets sick and avoids cancer, diabetes and heart attacks. But in the end, health is only valuable for this life. When you die, health and fitness won’t be an issue! Godliness, however, has eternal value.

Prince takes every opportunity to strengthen his physical muscles. Do we take every opportunity to strengthen our kids’ spiritual muscles?

As parents, we need to keep this truth in mind as we train up our kids. It’s easy to spend hours of time researching how to give your kids the best nutrition for their growing bodies. It’s easy to spend money and time enrolling them into sports and gymnastics, knowing that you are supporting their physical well-being. But more than all that we need to be seeking after ways to regularly feed them spiritually nutritional food, and find ways to encourage them to exercise godliness.

One of the reasons people seek after health is to avoid getting sick. They don’t want to go down with the flu or risk a heart attack by clogging up their arteries with grease. In the same way, we need to exercise godliness so that we can avoid falling into sin. We should be aiming for peak spiritual fitness – for ourselves and our kids. We need to give our families the best spiritual nourishment available to strengthen their souls, so that they will be able to resist the harshest of temptations.

My little boy loves to compare his muscles to Daddy’s muscles. He take joy in seeing how strong he is, and even takes it upon himself to exercise in the hopes of getting stronger as quick as possible! My hope is that I can teach him to have the same kind of passion for developing spiritual muscles, because this will last him for eternity.

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A joyful heart

April 26, 2012 at 11:32 am (Attitudes, Parenting, Teaching)
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A joyful heart is good medicine, But a broken spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22

The life of a child is like a swing – they seem to go from having the best of fun to total disaster in one quick swoop! One of the challenges as a parent is helping them learn to moderate this roller-coaster of emotions, identify what the important things of life are, and make the choice to have a positive outlook.

My prince is going through a time of particular challenge in this area at the moment. It seems as soon as something doesn’t go the way he would like he reacts as if his world has just come crashing down. I don’t say this in jest – in actual fact it is something I find hard to deal with. It is tough to balance understanding that little things are important to children, with teaching them to respond well to disappointment.

In hopes of encouraging both myself and others, here are seven ideas for dealing with the emotional downs in our children’s lives:

  • A joyful heart is GOOD!

    We love the Steve Green ‘Hide ’em in Your Heart‘ Scriptures songs. One that we often use when one of our kids is feeling down is ‘A Joyful Heart is Good Medicine’. This reminds children that being joyful can work like medicine, making us feel better.

  • Make it a habit to talk about what the most important things in life are – not just when the kids are upset, but also when they are enjoying something. Reinforcing this over and over will – hopefully! – help them learn to let the little things go and keep their minds on the big picture.
  • One of the top ten children’s movies from yesterday’s post was ‘Veggie Tales: Madame Blueberry‘. This teaches the motto that “a thankful heart is a happy heart”. We use this phrase (and accompanying song) from Madame Blueberry to help the kids remember to find things to be thankful for in every situation, and show them how this makes them happy.
  • Take time to acknowledge and understand that things can seem important to children even if they are not important to us adults. Reinforce the idea that sad emotions are okay – but that we must learn to deal with them in the best ways. By making our children feel heard and understood, we will help them to move on towards joy.
  • Something we invented is a ‘blessings walk’ – or a blessings drive, blessings lunch, or whatever else we happen to be doing at the time. When a child is tempted to be sad about something they don’t have, we take turns naming blessings in our lives and pretty soon the discontent disappears.
  • Model appropriate emotions yourself. Kids learn to imitate what the see, so as parents one of our greatest teaching tools is our own behaviour. They say actions speak louder than words, but I think what speaks loudest is actions matching up with words. When we model appropriate ways to deal with disappointment, and a heart focussed on the things that truly matter, our kids will be able to see the good fruit in our lives and be more likely to follow suit.
  • Teach the concept of choosing our emotions. Even as adults this can be tough, as we often think we are at the mercy of our feelings. Training our kids from young that we have a choice about how we feel will set them up for a more positive future.

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To TV or not to TV

April 25, 2012 at 6:09 pm (Parenting, Teaching)
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Different people have differing views on how much TV time to allow their kids – ranging from none at all to unlimited amounts. It’s one of those issues that each family has to work out for themselves. I wouldn’t like to say our decision is the only correct opinion, but – at least for now – it is what we feel is right for our children.

Two God-given blessings.

Our family have taken the approach of allowing what we consider to be a middle ground ‘reasonable’ amount of TV time. We have reached this decision because, in our experience, banning any TV altogether can result in binge watching when they do eventually get the opportunity to watch. We also feel that to allow an unlimited amount is in contradiction with the idea of moderation, and can cause kids to develop a dependency or addiction to TV to be entertained. The way our decision works out practically is that our kids usually watch anywhere between none and three programs a day.

One of the earliest decisions we made was to not have a TV licence. We feel that there is such a lot of unsuitable advertising and program choices on TV which are very difficult to avoid when TV is available in the house in this way. Rather, we stick almost exclusively to DVDs, with the occasional use of “catch-up” TV for particular programs. A bonus of this is that it also works out cheaper 🙂  (Please check the TV licencing laws in your own area if you are thinking of taking this option.)

Here are my top ten favourite programs that my kids watch:

  • Veggie Tales: Pistachio
  • Veggie Tales: Jonah
  • Veggie Tales: Madam Blueberry
  • Veggie Tales: Sweetpea Beauty
  • Veggie Tales: Little Jo
  • Veggie Tales: Gideon
  • Word World
  • Sesame Street
  • The March of the Penguins
  • Octonauts

Whatever your stance on TV for your children, make sure it is made carefully and prayerfully.

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From the lips of children

April 24, 2012 at 10:56 am (Christian life, Parenting)
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My precious Prince - my gift from God.

Yesterday I was working on my computer at the table in our lounge. My kids brought out almost all of their cars, and set them up near me in rows, like a large audience. Prince had one car at the front, facing all the others, and up on some kind of makeshift platform.  Then he put on his ‘car voice’, and began the announcement:

“Everyone, I have something amazing to tell you: Jesus died on a cross.”
[shocked gasp from the audience]
“No, don’t worry – you don’t need to gasp.   Jesus died…”
[another gasp]
“…but then after a few days he came back to life again!!!”
[cheering from the crowd]

Amen.

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Pressing on

April 23, 2012 at 2:05 pm (Christian life, Grace, Parenting)
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But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:7-14 (NIV)

Paul had his priorities right. He valued Christ above all else.  In chapter 1 he says, “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (v21)  Here in chapter 3 he says that if anyone has a right to boast in the flesh, it is him – and yet he considers his worldly advantages to be as “garbage” compared to belonging to Jesus.  This is Paul’s goal: to attain to the resurrection from the dead, which Christ Jesus has offered him.

“There is nothing I want more than for my children to love God and give Him first place in their lives.”

I, too, have this goal.  But as a mom, it is not just for me, but for my children also. There is nothing I want more than for my children to love God and give Him first place in their lives. Yet daily I mess up. I fail to live up to the opportunities given to me; I make selfish choices; I prioritise worldly values; I model sinful attitudes. I am sure you fail too. And God knows this. He knows we are helpless – so he gave us a gift: infinite grace.

Because of grace, reaching our goal does not depend on us achieving perfection here on earth. We will not be saved on the merit of our motherhood, our ministry, or our self-imposed laws. We cannot save our children, either, no matter how many hours a day we spend teaching them of His love (don’t mistake me here – we should teach them this, it’s just that we cannot save them). We, and our children, can only gain the prize of salvation by accepting it. Christ Jesus came to offer us freedom and eternal salvation because of His perfect life. When we begin to understand this concept, we are blown away.

None of us have reached this goal yet, but there is hope. I want to encourage us all, to forget what is behind, and press on to what is ahead. Start each day – even each hour, each minute – anew.  Accept the grace of God, and look forward. Don’t dwell on the mistakes and failures of the past. Persevere in your faith; pray for your children. There is hope in the future.

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Tricks of the trade

April 20, 2012 at 7:43 pm (Parenting)
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Parents, over the years, find themselves picking up some useful ‘tricks of the trade’, and often wish that SOMEONE had told them this before. So if you are a new parent then consider yourself (at least partially) forewarned, because here are some that I have learnt along my journey as a mother:

  • Use distraction wisely. When you child scrapes their knee in the park, the pain can often totally disappear when you suddenly point out – in your most fascinated voice – that “That cloud over there looks just like a dinosaur!”
  • Most children respond better if given advance warning about things. My kids take it better if, for example, I say, “We are going to leave the playground in five minutes…. in two minutes… in one minute… okay, choose your last thing to go on and then we are leaving.”
  • Children love choice.  Instead of saying, “You can’t have a chocolate – have an apple” try, “Can you choose which apple you like best from the fruit bowl?”
  • Entertain their imagination. I am often amazed by how much better my kids will respond to instructions like “time to for bed” if it is said by one of their soft toys, race cars, Octonauts characters, or anything other than just plain old me!
  • Make water the norm.  Water is cheap and healthy. If you want your children to drink water without fussing, then make it their usual drink from young. It’s much harder for kids to enjoy water if they are used to the strong flavours in juice.
  • Use sign language to reduce early frustration. Both of my children could sign before they could talk. Signing is much easier than talking for babies, and it has been shown to reduce frustration and tantrums as the child has a way of communicating their needs and wants. It is also a very special thing, as you gain insights into their sweet little minds that you might not otherwise have had. If you live in Canada or the USA then I highly recommend the ‘Signing Time‘ series.
  • Use a toothbrush from early on.  As soon as the first tooth peeps up – or even before – get them used to having a toothbrush and paste in their mouths.  For some unknown reason, brushing teeth can be a real battle with little kids.  I recommend starting with something like this.
  • Speak gently. I find that children respond much better if spoken to in a gentle, positive way. This has its place, of course – I am very firm on disciplining when needed – but often I find undesirable behaviour can be avoided if the right tone and approach is taken by the parent in the first instance. For example, instead of saying, “Right – pack up those cars now” I prefer, “Okay, guys, we’re going to pack the cars up now, because Daddy is about to come home and we love to have a tidy house for him, don’t we?” This gets a faster and happier response 99% of the time.

I would love to hear some more tips from others; what tricks of the trade have you picked up as a parent?

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