Heading Things Off At The Pass
Or…
Ways to help avoid frustration in our children
- Pray for your children to have peace, contentment, flexibility, generosity & calm. That’s a big ask but God is a big God… and it is important for us to do the asking on our children’s behalf.
- Emphasise foundational concepts regularly.
- Help your children learn perspective by pointing out regularly what is (and isn’t) of first (i.e. eternal) importance.
- Set clear, realistic expectations AND make sure they have been heard & understood. My personal favourite – calling gaily from the kitchen whilst making supper (with the extractor fan on) into the lounge (where someone is playing the piano) that supper is nearly ready and someone must please set the table – is NOT what we are looking for!
Conquer the entangling web of frustration!
- Give a warning before you want your children to change what they are doing. E.g. when they are about to need to tidy up/go out/come for a meal/come inside/stop playing. My children are more often happier with having to stop playing if they can finish a ‘last chapter’ of their game; it lets them get to a suitable stopping point, which is more satisfying than stopping in the middle of an exciting bit.
- Early Intervention Plan. Distract your child from potential/early frustration & come up with alternative courses of action.
– E.g. If a child is looking lost for something to do/someone to play with, offer them a menu of options to choose from including, if at all possible, some things with you.
– E.g. If a sibling has done something a child did not want/like, suggest ways the child can be gracious to their sibling – and make that sound like an appealing thing to do so they can be just like Jesus – then offer the aforementioned menu of options for things to do (possibly including doing something nice for the sibling) - Ask YOUR CHILDREN to tell YOU what the right thing to do/say is. This is a ‘double scoop ice-cream’ type approach:
– Scoop one: you can avoid them getting frustrated with being corrected/told what to do. This is especially helpful if a) you are a long-winded communicator, like me and/or b) they are a child that needs frequent guidance…some children do.
– Scoop two: you are training them in the discipline of making right choices themselves. Obviously, if they are floundering, help them out – otherwise you start off a new cause for frustration, which is not quite the idea!! - Ask questions, rather than jumping to conclusions. If you think the situation they are in might be likely to trigger frustration in your child or if you spot their warning signs, asking discreet questions might either dispel your concerns or activate your early intervention plan, rather than you having to help them recover from a meltdown later.
- Patiently explain misunderstandings. Often, when you are in the habit of asking questions, you will discover that there is a lack of understanding in your child. Explain things patiently and calmly, without laughing at the child or putting them down (which is more easily done than you would think – especially if they express themselves in a super-cute way – and can lead to insecurity in some children).
Isn’t it wonderful how when you write these things down they sound so easy and straightforward! Since drafting this I have been busy trying to remember to put these ideas into practice myself…today was a better day because of it…
What are your ideas on how to head things off at the pass to help your children avoid frustration?
Writing on the Doorposts 