To TV or not to TV

April 25, 2012 at 6:09 pm (Parenting, Teaching)
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Different people have differing views on how much TV time to allow their kids – ranging from none at all to unlimited amounts. It’s one of those issues that each family has to work out for themselves. I wouldn’t like to say our decision is the only correct opinion, but – at least for now – it is what we feel is right for our children.

Two God-given blessings.

Our family have taken the approach of allowing what we consider to be a middle ground ‘reasonable’ amount of TV time. We have reached this decision because, in our experience, banning any TV altogether can result in binge watching when they do eventually get the opportunity to watch. We also feel that to allow an unlimited amount is in contradiction with the idea of moderation, and can cause kids to develop a dependency or addiction to TV to be entertained. The way our decision works out practically is that our kids usually watch anywhere between none and three programs a day.

One of the earliest decisions we made was to not have a TV licence. We feel that there is such a lot of unsuitable advertising and program choices on TV which are very difficult to avoid when TV is available in the house in this way. Rather, we stick almost exclusively to DVDs, with the occasional use of “catch-up” TV for particular programs. A bonus of this is that it also works out cheaper 🙂  (Please check the TV licencing laws in your own area if you are thinking of taking this option.)

Here are my top ten favourite programs that my kids watch:

  • Veggie Tales: Pistachio
  • Veggie Tales: Jonah
  • Veggie Tales: Madam Blueberry
  • Veggie Tales: Sweetpea Beauty
  • Veggie Tales: Little Jo
  • Veggie Tales: Gideon
  • Word World
  • Sesame Street
  • The March of the Penguins
  • Octonauts

Whatever your stance on TV for your children, make sure it is made carefully and prayerfully.

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Pressing on

April 23, 2012 at 2:05 pm (Christian life, Grace, Parenting)
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But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:7-14 (NIV)

Paul had his priorities right. He valued Christ above all else.  In chapter 1 he says, “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (v21)  Here in chapter 3 he says that if anyone has a right to boast in the flesh, it is him – and yet he considers his worldly advantages to be as “garbage” compared to belonging to Jesus.  This is Paul’s goal: to attain to the resurrection from the dead, which Christ Jesus has offered him.

“There is nothing I want more than for my children to love God and give Him first place in their lives.”

I, too, have this goal.  But as a mom, it is not just for me, but for my children also. There is nothing I want more than for my children to love God and give Him first place in their lives. Yet daily I mess up. I fail to live up to the opportunities given to me; I make selfish choices; I prioritise worldly values; I model sinful attitudes. I am sure you fail too. And God knows this. He knows we are helpless – so he gave us a gift: infinite grace.

Because of grace, reaching our goal does not depend on us achieving perfection here on earth. We will not be saved on the merit of our motherhood, our ministry, or our self-imposed laws. We cannot save our children, either, no matter how many hours a day we spend teaching them of His love (don’t mistake me here – we should teach them this, it’s just that we cannot save them). We, and our children, can only gain the prize of salvation by accepting it. Christ Jesus came to offer us freedom and eternal salvation because of His perfect life. When we begin to understand this concept, we are blown away.

None of us have reached this goal yet, but there is hope. I want to encourage us all, to forget what is behind, and press on to what is ahead. Start each day – even each hour, each minute – anew.  Accept the grace of God, and look forward. Don’t dwell on the mistakes and failures of the past. Persevere in your faith; pray for your children. There is hope in the future.

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Tricks of the trade

April 20, 2012 at 7:43 pm (Parenting)
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Parents, over the years, find themselves picking up some useful ‘tricks of the trade’, and often wish that SOMEONE had told them this before. So if you are a new parent then consider yourself (at least partially) forewarned, because here are some that I have learnt along my journey as a mother:

  • Use distraction wisely. When you child scrapes their knee in the park, the pain can often totally disappear when you suddenly point out – in your most fascinated voice – that “That cloud over there looks just like a dinosaur!”
  • Most children respond better if given advance warning about things. My kids take it better if, for example, I say, “We are going to leave the playground in five minutes…. in two minutes… in one minute… okay, choose your last thing to go on and then we are leaving.”
  • Children love choice.  Instead of saying, “You can’t have a chocolate – have an apple” try, “Can you choose which apple you like best from the fruit bowl?”
  • Entertain their imagination. I am often amazed by how much better my kids will respond to instructions like “time to for bed” if it is said by one of their soft toys, race cars, Octonauts characters, or anything other than just plain old me!
  • Make water the norm.  Water is cheap and healthy. If you want your children to drink water without fussing, then make it their usual drink from young. It’s much harder for kids to enjoy water if they are used to the strong flavours in juice.
  • Use sign language to reduce early frustration. Both of my children could sign before they could talk. Signing is much easier than talking for babies, and it has been shown to reduce frustration and tantrums as the child has a way of communicating their needs and wants. It is also a very special thing, as you gain insights into their sweet little minds that you might not otherwise have had. If you live in Canada or the USA then I highly recommend the ‘Signing Time‘ series.
  • Use a toothbrush from early on.  As soon as the first tooth peeps up – or even before – get them used to having a toothbrush and paste in their mouths.  For some unknown reason, brushing teeth can be a real battle with little kids.  I recommend starting with something like this.
  • Speak gently. I find that children respond much better if spoken to in a gentle, positive way. This has its place, of course – I am very firm on disciplining when needed – but often I find undesirable behaviour can be avoided if the right tone and approach is taken by the parent in the first instance. For example, instead of saying, “Right – pack up those cars now” I prefer, “Okay, guys, we’re going to pack the cars up now, because Daddy is about to come home and we love to have a tidy house for him, don’t we?” This gets a faster and happier response 99% of the time.

I would love to hear some more tips from others; what tricks of the trade have you picked up as a parent?

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The beauty of homemaking

April 16, 2012 at 6:48 pm (Christian life, Homemaking, Ministry, Parenting, Priorities)
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I always knew that becoming a mother was a career choice for me. To my mind, it can’t be anything else. Raising children is not something to be done on the side, in our spare time, but something which calls for the highest standards of commitment, sacrifice, dedication and effort. I’d like to share some of the common reasons I hear against mothers choosing to stay home with their children, and my responses to these reasons.

1) Some people seem to think that women who choose to stay at home full time are unambitious. Firstly, ambition is not what life is about. Secondly, I think being a stay-at-home Mom is probably the most ambitious career out there! A housewife and mother has to master so many different facets of life. She is a cook, a cleaner, an arbitrator, a psychologist, a day-care provider, a mentor, a friend, a nurse, a teacher, a personal shopper, a playmate, and a care assistant. On top of these she may well specialise in a few other areas, such as baking, craft making, research, nutrition, health, sports, music, or just about any other subject or vocation you can think of. Being a full time homemaker is anything but boring!

There are joys in motherhood that can never be found in another career.

2) The other objection I frequently hear against being a stay-at-home Mom is that of financial strain. I admit that sometimes this is an issue. However, I think it is much less of an issue than most people perceive it to be. If you are thinking, “We can’t manage without two incomes.” I would encourage you to think again. Our lives are usually full of unnecessary stuff, which could be cut out to reduce our monthly expenditure. And if you really do need more money, then there are ways to work around this and still stay at home. Right now, for example, I am bringing in some extra money for my family by joining Usborne and selling children’s books. This allows me flexibility to work around my kids, rather than mothering around my work. It’s important to really evaluate our priorities, and make sure we are backing what we believe by the way we live. It’s no good wishing we had the resources to stay at home, but in reality placing a higher value on home decoration.

3) The last reason I commonly hear for women not staying at home is, “It’s just not for me.” This may be true. But what about your kids? To simply say “it’s not for me” seems a rather selfish reason. If you have carefully weighed all the pros and cons, if you have decided that you need to prioritize something else, or if you have prayed and prayed and prayed and still believe it is ‘not for you’, then I respect that. God has certainly called each of us to our own ministries, and we must act accordingly. But if you simply have a fear that you won’t like being a homemaker, then I truly hope you will stop and think again. There are such joys, such excitements, such challenges, blessings, and wonderful experiences to be had when you make your kids your career.

In closing, take time to read one of my favourite passages of Scripture, encouraging young mothers to keep her priorities right in the sight of God.

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.”  Titus 2:3-5 (NASB)

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Speaking of love

April 13, 2012 at 12:00 pm (Parenting)
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I have recently been reading through Gary Chapman’s ‘The Five Love Languages of Children‘. I had read his earlier book on love languages, so was looking forward to this one. Although I’m not finished reading it yet, I wanted to share some things I have learned and some thoughts it has sparked.

The overriding principle behind the book is that every person – children included – feel love in one of five primary ways (referred to as ‘languages’): physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service. Dr Chapman states that:

“Your children can receive love in all of the languages. Still, most children have a primary love language, one that speaks to them more loudly than the others. When you want to effectively meet your children’s need for love, it is crucial to discover their primary love language.”

A kiss from Princess 🙂

I think this is a true concept. When I stop to think about it, I can see in my kids some very definite ways in which they express and cry out for love. My Princess thrives on touch and words – she loves to give and receive kisses, hugs and strokes, and is always saying, “Mommy – I love you!” out of the blue. My Prince desires quality time more than anything. There’s nothing he loves more than having me or Daddy join in with his games.

If you have children, take a moment to think about what their primary love language might be. It is not always obvious, especially if they are quite young. One of the clues to look out for is ways that they express love. Another thing you can do is ask them, “Do you know I love you? Why?” It may be that you don’t come up with one specific language – that’s fine! But you also might find that when you really think about it, there is one type of expression which resonates with your child more than others. If this is the case, I recommend taking the time to make sure you are showing your child love in this specific way every day.

One of the things about figuring out your child’s love language is that once you identify it, you need to start acting on that information! Some are easier to give than others. For me, it’s much easier to give a hug and say I love you, than to stop what I am doing to play Octonauts – but it is just as important. For others, playing imaginary games may be easy as pie, but if your child needs words of affirmation then this is what you must give primarily. Hard as it may be, it’s worth the effort.

Hilarity trying to get a ‘nice’ smile at our Mother’s day lunch!

About a month ago I noticed that we were having to tell Prince off more than usual. Knowing his need for quality time I decided that it would be a good idea for my husband or I to take him out somewhere alone, to build him up and encourage him. The timing coincided with Mother’s day, so Prince and I went out for a cheap McD’s lunch together. I spent the time really focussing on him – listening to the things he wanted to talk about, and laughing at his jokes. I also took the opportunity to ask him some questions about my parenting, how he felt about things, and asked for his perspective on how I could improve as a Mommy. Although we were only alone for about 45 mins, that less-than-an-hour-cheap-and-greasy lunch made the world of difference to his behaviour. He seemed to have got exactly what he needed. In Dr Chapman’s words, his ‘love-tank’ was filled.

The love language concept is not a guaranteed fix all solution for behaviour problems. However, it is well documented that a lot of negative behaviours occurs as a cry out for love, and so it follows that this can be solved by ensuring your child feels truly loved.

Another theme that has stood out to me in this book is that we need to be willing to sacrifice in order to show our children love in a way they can understand loud and clear. We need to be able to step out of our own comfort zone; we need to make time for our kids in our busy schedules; we need to put effort and thought into the way we express our love. I really like what Gary Chapman says here:

Don’t be a victim of the urgent. In the long run, much of what seems so pressing right now won’t even matter. What you do with your children will matter forever.

It’s not about showing love in ways which are convenient, quick, easy, or come naturally to us. It’s about caring enough to reach out to our kids, and make the effort to say ‘I love you’ in their own language.

There are many important things to do in life, but few are more important than raising our children to know that they are loved unconditionally – both by us and, ultimately, by God.

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Natural learning

April 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm (Education styles, Home education, Parenting, Teaching)
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As a homeschooling Mom, one of my greatest joys is watching my children learn new things. Right now we don’t follow any particular curriculum, have any set ‘school work’ for each day, or follow any term timetables. Instead, we are adopting a relaxed, holistic, natural learning method. Whilst there are merits with a classroom style approach to education, I believe that the best learning happens in every day life, as we pursue our interests and talents, as we master necessary skills, and as we encounter people with a passion for different topics. I think this is especially true for young children, who find it so hard to sit still and listen to lessons. As the kids get older I will re-evaluate our style, but for now natural learning is working for us.

So what does this natural learning method involve, and is it effective? The short answers are ‘a willing heart’ and ‘yes’. For the longer answers, read on 🙂

It’s hard to say what a ‘typical’ day looks like at our house, in terms of education, but here are some things that happen fairly often:

  • Top: a graphic design project Prince and I created
    Middle: ‘Shark’ from ‘WordWorld’, by Prince age 5
    Bottom: Copywork by Princess, age 3

    Reading.  All kinds of books are read in our house. So far today, for example, the kids have read (or listened to me read) ‘The Life of Jesus’, ‘Usborne First Illustrated Maths Dictionary‘, ‘The Story of the Olympics‘, various sections from ‘Animal Kingdom’, ‘The Big Dark’, ‘My Daddy is a Giant’ and ‘Lines and Squares’. Out of all these the only one I initiated was the poem, ‘Lines and Squares’. This reading has provided learning in the following ‘school’ topics: English (reading), religious education, maths, English literature, history and geography.

  • Drawing.  My kids are prolific drawers! They have usually drawn a few pictures each before I am even out of bed.  They take great care and devote a lot of time to their pictures. This, obviously, covers the topic of ‘art’, but we also find that their drawings inspires learning about other topics, such as geography. Today Prince also helped me create the graphics for his birthday invitation in Adobe Illustrator, which provided some ICT learning.
  • Dancing and music.  Princess especially likes to dance. She is inspired by her cousin, and also loves to choreograph her own dances and put on shows. We have a variety of classical music we love to listen to, and our favourites are Vivaldi, Mozart and Andrea Bocelli. With this we cover some P.E., music, and performing arts.
  • Questions and conversations.  Prince is at that inquisitive age, where it’s practically impossible to keep him from learning! He’s always asking questions about things, and having conversations with Daddy or me about topics which interest him. Sometimes we expand upon this by looking up more information in a reference book (our dictionary or atlas), or searching on the internet. A lot of educational topics are covered this way.
  • Writing.  Both kids like to make their own books, written and illustrated. Prince is developing quite a collection. They also write messages on their pictures, write out the ‘verse of the day’, and today Prince wrote out names on his birthday party invitations. We use these opportunities to learn spelling, grammar, handwriting, composition, creative writing, etc.

There are so many other opportunities that come up ever day – it’s impossible to even remember them all, let alone list them! We do field trips, cooking, painting, gardening, counting, telling the time, astronomy, patterns, imaginary play, construction, French, life skills, science, environmental awareness, health and nutrition, and much more.

In summary, natural learning is a fun, holistic approach to eduction. The key to making it work is, in my opinion, an open, willing mind and dedication. When we take time to see and take hold of the learning opportunities in every activity we can inspire our children to learn and seek out knowledge through their everyday life.

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Guest Post: Hannah’s Heart

April 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm (Christian life, Faith, Guest Post, Parenting)
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I’d like to thank my dear friend Monique Demas for writing today’s guest post.

Playing mommies as little girls, now blessed mommies as grown-ups!

Have you ever desired something so much that you lost your appetite and sleep over it? Have you ever fervently prayed for something and waited for God’s answer?

During a difficult period in my life, I remember sleepless nights with painful tears and constant prayers. My husband and I desired to have a baby.  We had been married seven years, and the doctors told us that we might not be able to have a child. However, the constant reminder that the God of the universe is in control gave us strength.

When I read Hannah’s story in 1 Samuel 1, my heart understands her anguish.

Sometimes we do not understand God’s timing. Every year, Elkanah, Hannah’s husband went to worship at Shiloh, and his other wife Peninnah provoked Hannah about being barren (1 Samuel 1:5-7 ESV). Verse 7 mentions how Hannah wept and would not eat. The Scriptures say in verse 10, “She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly.”
Hannah’s heart was in the right during this painful time. Verse 13 says she was speaking in her heart while praying. While praying, she made a vow to God, “O Lord of Hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant, but will give your servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor will touch his head.” (verse 11)

The Lord blessed Hannah with a son, and she gave him back to God. In verse 22, the Scriptures say, “As soon as the child is weaned, I will bring him, so that he may appear in the presence of the Lord and dwell there forever.” Wow! How powerful! Hannah’s son Samuel was to appear in the presence of the Lord and dwell there forever.

On December 2, 2010, we found out we were having a baby. Our hearts were full of joy when God blessed us with a baby boy! It was very convicting to read of Hannah’s heart whose deepest desire was for her child to dwell in the presence of the Lord forever. We see from the Scriptures that Hannah’s desire to have a son was a godly desire. We are able to see the difference between a godly desire and fleshly desire in this story. A fleshly desire is a yearning for something that upon receiving, one refuses to give back to God.

As mothers, we must have Hannah hearts. Our children are a heritage from the Lord (Psalm 127:3), and we must train them in the way of the Lord (Proverbs 22:6).

Let us constantly remember that our job as mothers is to train our children to have an understanding of their Creator and to dedicate their lives to Him. Live each day with Hannah hearts!

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Seasoned with salt – lessons from my Mom’s roast dinners

April 10, 2012 at 11:49 am (Attitudes, Christian life, Parenting, Scripture)
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“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
Colossians 4:5-7 (NIV)

I love the imagery used in the passage. Full of grace; Seasoned with salt. It makes me think of my Mom’s home-cooked Sunday roasts. We would come home after church (usually with an eager guest or two) and the scent of potatoes, veggies, meat, Yorkshire puddings and gravy would fill the air as she finished off the final touches of the meal. It was a delicious, comforting, wholesome smell, and the food was always just as good as the anticipation. I think my Mom really IS the best cook in the whole world. But I’m getting side-tracked…

In these three verses of Colossians, the author Paul is referring specifically to the way we talk with people who are not part of the body of Christ. But I would like to take his idea and apply it to the way we talk to our kids. In a way, it’s not too different, because both are in need of experiencing the grace and love of Jesus through the way we talk to them.

Opportunities abound in the life of a parent.

Paul urges Christians here to “make the most of every opportunity”. As parents, we have LOTS of opportunities to witness to our children. We are around our kids a large part of every day, and talk to them often about a myriad of different topics. Because it happens so often, it is easy to forget that these conversations are chances for us to show the wonderful love and grace of Jesus. Unfortunately, it is especially easy to forget this in times of discipline, where it can be most important and have the greatest impact.

We need to be aware (and yes, intentional!) of the way we talk to our kids, and not let these opportunities slip by every day. We also need to be careful that we are not seasoning our conversations with judgement and bitterness instead of grace and salt, as so often happens.

But what is a conversation full of grace and seasoned with salt like? Well, I think it’s a bit like my Mom’s roast dinners…

  • It is wholesome.  It is not rude, inappropriate or unkind. Rather, it is respectful (it is possible to be respectful whilst still being in charge), carefully worded and loving. For example, instead of saying, “I told you to pick that up – do it now!”, we can say “Do you remember that I already asked you to pick that up? You need to remember to listen and obey straight away. Please do it now.”
  • It smells good.  Even though our words don’t have actual smells, they do have a scent in their own kind of way.  Conversations which are full of grace and seasoned with salt will have an overall good smell to them. Our kids will be able to tell that what we are saying is right and true and good, whether we are praising them or disciplining them.
  • It provides nourishment.  Although for the most part I loved my Mom’s roasts, there were occasionally vegetables I wasn’t so keen on. Even these, though, I would usually eat as I knew they were healthy and good for my body. In the same way there might be times we have to say things to our kids that they won’t want to hear.  We need to make sure that at these times we are full of grace and salt, and that we are speaking only to benefit out children, not to vent our anger.
  • It is comforting.  On the other hand, there are also times when our words can be a great source of comfort to our children. Here we can take the opportunity to show our kids the love and peace and joy that can be found in Jesus, no matter what circumstances we are living through.

Mom and me.

I want to end with a thanks to my Mom.

Thanks for your wonderful Sunday roasts, and for the lessons of love you have taught me all my life.  I love you.

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Remember the Easter story

April 9, 2012 at 10:15 am (Christian life, Creating memories, Faith, Parenting, Teaching)
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What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word ‘Easter’? Hopefully you said something like ‘Jesus’ or ‘sacrifice’ or other words related to the reason behind the season. Hopefully you didn’t say ‘chocolate’. But the truth is, most of us have a very strong association between Easter and chocolate. Whilst I’m not against buying Easter goodies (I confess to being rather a chocoholic…), I do think it’s very sad that eggs, chicks and bunnies have taken precedence over Jesus at this time of year.

Taking the first question a step deeper, ask yourself (or even better, your kids) – What is the first thing your children think of when they hear the word ‘Easter’? If they are only little, you may be inclined to be more understanding if they answered ‘chocolate’, but I think this is just more sad. They have had less time exposed to the commercialism of the world, and are more influenced by us. What are we teaching our kids? Are we actively and intentionally teaching them about Jesus’ gift to the world, or are we letting them grow up to think of Easter simply as a time to buy chocolate?

The commercialised world we live in puts an unthinkable amount of money and resources into strengthening our association between Easter and buying chocolate – and baskets, and stickers, and cards, and fluffy chicks, and stuffed bunnies and anything else it can think of. But nice as these things can be, they have nothing on the awesome events that we are actually celebrating this Easter. How can chocolate compare to salvation?! As parents, we should be passionate about teaching our children the real, eternal significance of the events that took place on the first Easter.

But how can we do this? Teaching our kids to think of Jesus before chocolate isn’t always easy! I think the answer is twofold:

  • Firstly, we need to emphasis the Easter story to our kids. Tell it to them over and over. Write it down, make crafts about it, draw pictures of it, sing songs about it, watch movies on it, play games about it. Get it into their heads and hearts every way we can think of.
  • Second, we can make use of commercialised products, and teach our children to associate them back to Jesus. We must help our kids to see Easter eggs, chicks and bunnies, and immediately think of ‘new life’ and what that means to us as followers of Christ.

At our house this year we had an ‘Easter Story Treasure Hunt’. I wrote down a simple version of the Easter story, and along side each section I put a clue, helping them to find the next part of the story. At the end of the story was a prize.  Below are the story and clues I put together, which you are free to copy and edit for your own use, and some pictures of my kiddies enjoying the hunt!

About two thousand years ago something amazing happened. God came to earth in the form of a baby boy – Jesus. As Jesus grew up, He became wise. God was pleased with Him.

The next clue is somewhere that Princess goes every morning when she gets dressed.

———————————————————————————

When Jesus was a man He taught people about God’s love, and His plan to save them. After a few years, Jesus knew it was nearly time for Him to die.  He went to a garden one night to pray.

The next clue is in hiding with some sweet food.

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Jesus was very sad, but He told God that He would do whatever God knew was best.  Soldiers came and took Jesus away.  Lots of people told lies, saying Jesus had done bad things.  They decided to kill Jesus.

The next clue is with your Word friends.

———————————————————————————

After Jesus had been beaten, He was nailed to a cross where He died.  But this is not the end of the story!  After three days Jesus came back to life again!

The next clue is somewhere cold.

———————————————————————————

Today Jesus is still alive.  He left us the Holy Spirit and the Bible so that we can learn about Him, and about how we can have a new life after we die, too.

You will find your prize somewhere warm and snugly.

———————————————————————————

Fun on our Easter story hunt 2012.

May we all remember to delight in the joy of the Easter story, and pass it on faithfully to our children.

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Five a day: part 3, fun for kids

April 6, 2012 at 7:55 am (Healthy living, Homemaking, Parenting)
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My little food loving Princess!

My kids are opposites when it comes to their stance on fruit and vegetables. Prince, as I mentioned in part one, has issues with the texture of almost all raw options, and most of his life has strongly disliked them. Princess, on the other hand, seemed to be born with a passionate love for all food! Her first real food after breast milk was a strawberry, which she gummed to death, holding my hand (which was holding the strawberry) as tight as she could with her little fists to keep me from taking it away! Her intense love of strawberries still holds strong today, but she also loves to eat just about any fruit and most vegetables on offer.

I have to admit, I was quite relieved when Princess came along loving these healthy foods! I did nothing different with her – they are just naturally different. My prince has mild autistic traits, and texture issues are known to be prominent in this spectrum. It is because of this that I have taken a very gentle approach to getting Prince to eat these raw foods.

My success so far is limited, yet hugely significant. Prince, who is nearly six, loved his fruit as a baby. In fact, his first birthday ‘cake’ was actually a fruit salad instead of cake. But only a few month later he started refusing to eat certain fruits until I was left with just one I could get him to eat – bananas. He even went through a period refusing these, but I managed to successfully reintroduce them to him when he was four. Apart from banana he has not eaten any other raw fruit or vegetable in nearly five years. Until now. Now Prince also eats sugar-snap peas, apples, carrots, bean sprouts, cucumber, green beans and baby corn – all raw!

This is more than I had imagined was possible 6 months ago, and we are still in the processes of expanding his range. Here are some things I have done which have helped my Prince to do so well. You may find some of them useful if you have kids who don’t like their fruit and veggies.

  • Be patient.  Understanding that Prince has a real issue with texture, and that he wasn’t just being fussy or defiant has helped me to be patient with him. I think this has been one of the most important steps we have taken, though it can be one of the hardest. I have had to be patient for nearly five years, waiting until he was mature enough to take on the task of facing such a challenge to his senses.
  • Know your child.  I know Prince very well. I know what he struggles with (in this case, texture and discipline), and what motivates him (encouragement, imagination, achievements). When you can identify these things, you can work out a plan which plays to their motivations and overcome their struggles.
  • Put the two together.  When you have been patient and discern that your child is ready, then put your plan into action! My plan was to use a chart. Charts work very well for Prince, and ever since Princess started working on a ‘no accidents’ toilet chart he has been asking for one. The timing was perfect – he was highly motivated by finally having a chart of his own, with prizes to work towards.
  • Explain the ‘why’.  The classic children’s question! Prince is in a real ‘why’ phase, so it is both important and interesting to him when I explain why he needs to work on eating raw fruit and vegetables. We talk about vitamins, health, illness, etc.
  • Be firm but gentle.  The first few times he tries any new food is particularly hard for Prince. I have to insist he eat it, and usually have to feed it to him. I have to keep enforcing the next bite. But I also keep it very matter-of-fact, to help him not become over emotional about it.  I am careful not to raise my voice, and not to tell him off or get angry. It’s important to keep in mind how difficult this is for your child.

  • Make it fun!

    Make it fun.  Sometimes I encourage Prince to imagine that his chewing is ‘choo-chooing’, and that he is going on a journey somewhere exciting. This distracts him from the tastes and textures in his mouth, as he thinks up new places for each bite. Sometimes I arrange his food in fun shapes. The other day I made an ‘alien’ face with different vegetables for the eyes, ears, mouth, hair etc.

  • Pray.  God cares about every detail of our lives, and this is no exception. Pray for your child to have the strength and discipline to be able to take on this challenge and succeed.
  • Encourage their success.  Praise is sweet to the ears of a child. Make sure you acknowledge their hard work and achievements, even if they have only managed a little. This is sure to encourage them to keep working hard and trying their best, and to have a positive outlook.

I want to leave you with something Prince said to me a couple of weeks ago, as he was working on eating cucumber.

“Mommy? When I’m finished my chart I am going to LOVE fruit and vegetables!  And I am going to say, ‘Mommy, please can I have some strawberries, please can I have some carrots, please can I have some grapes, please can I have some blueberries!'”

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